Okay, I’ve not embarked on a substantial creative writing project for sometime now, which is odd because, all modesty aside, it has to be said that I am one of the greatest authors who has ever lived in the history of the universe. Yes, on this I have absolutely no doubt. No doubt, up to the point that I actually start writing, then suddenly I turn into the most talentless cunt on the planet! Although I still hold on to the fact that I have authored some of the greatest novels never written! The problem is that my curmudgeony nature means that I pathologically hate every word I write almost as soon as a write them, I get discouraged by my own colossal lack of ability, edit manically as I write, get even more discouraged, then delete what I was working on.
Anyway, despite my eternal failures, I remain convinced that I might, just might have a novel in me, hence I’m embarking on the suicidal NaNoWriMo thingy that sad losers (like me) with no prospect no ever being published do. For those who actually might still bother to read this blog and who don’t know what NaNoWriMo is, it means every November there is this online thing which encourages thousands of idiots to write a 50,000 word novel in 31 days. For those, like me, who have no idea what 50,000 words equates to in novel terms, it equals to about a 180 page novel – which is quite a short novel these days. But to my mind represents something close to the optimal length for a novel (~120-250 pages). So, this is what I’m doing or – at least – endeavouring to do. Realistically I realise that my chances are slim. Firstly, I have a track record of giving up: giving up on creative writing, giving up on just about everything I’ve ever done . I just give up, that’s a thing I do. Secondly, I have no desk to sit at that I can sit at for hours at a time without severe back pain, so realistically I’ll be typing on my laptop in bed for a month. Anyone know of a good chiropractor? And last, but not least: I’m severely depressed with the shitness of everything at the moment, a trait which is unlikely to change any time soon – so I can see this just ultimately adding to it. Setting myself up to fail and all that… Meh! On the plus side, my vacuous life means I have lots of time to write a novel – if only I could concentrate and stay motivated. I also have some ideas that I like, but they’re a tad nebulous and keep morphing all the time. also, they’re all highly depressing and negative, which means dwelling on negativity even more than usual. Still, all novels worth reading inhabit the darkside, so this could be a plus – if it doesn’t kill me. Anyway, for those who are doing NaNoWriMo this year and want to add me as a buddy here is my profile.
Okay, enough pontificating – let’s leave this online hell hole and write a novel!
[EDIT: Day 5 (hey! It's the Guy Fawkes Night!) and I've already given up. This writing quickly stuff just isn't for me and I don't have the discipline to write a novel. Maybe if I had a proper desk to sit at, but frankly: I just can't be arsed with it. I think instead I might just try to write and polish a short story over the month. I think starting small then working up might be better. The problem is my story ideas are probably more suitable for a novel-length project. Still the discipline of the shorter form might be a good thing for me as I ramble far too much. I also need to stay clear of depressing stories for a while.]
